You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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