I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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