google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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