Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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