Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
