so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
