look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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