I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
