grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
