I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
