I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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