Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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