and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
