I love black thongs
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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