I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
