Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize