just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
