Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
