Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
