Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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