I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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