I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
