Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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