Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
