I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
