CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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