hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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