first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
operation harelip BJ is a go
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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