The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
