Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
