The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Boobs are out for the taking
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
