He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
