Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
