Fuck appropriateness.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
