the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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