I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize