very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
