with your own penis?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
