New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
