you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
