If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize