Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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