3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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