I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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