oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
