How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
