That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
