i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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