k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
