i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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