i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I had to cum in my sink.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
