I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
