I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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