Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
