apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
