There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
