Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Randomize
