can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
