I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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