oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my vag is so smooth its legendary
worst night to have a conscience
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
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I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize