my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
