that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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