Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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