last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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