Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
