i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
