If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
