ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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