Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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