69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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