My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
