and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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