either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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