New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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