Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
