just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
