She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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