I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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