no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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