also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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