I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Lo siento on account of my penis...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
