I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
