Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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