my phone needs a breathalizer
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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