I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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