Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
