My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
