I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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