Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
