I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
