We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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