I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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