didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
