brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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