what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
