Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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