the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize