We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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