he wants to bone in the snuggie
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
mondays should just be called national damage control day
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
