I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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