where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
