Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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