Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
