i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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